[Zap: Paddy is on screen. Smoking.] You know, what with everything going off, I never did get to ask.

Who was that goddess who made all those tortillas and tamales? [He knows it was you, Rex. He's being a dick.] Oh, I'm just gonna call you Nigella. [He holds up a copy of a cookbook he found in the library, just for this purpose] 'Cause you were a ( Read more... )

[Warden filter]Right. I'm putting out an explicit warning/request/demand, whatever you want to call it ( Read more... )

Well, fuck me. If dates are owt to go by in this place, I've been here a bloody year ( Read more... )

I shot Dr Crane. He's dead. If anyone says he deserved it, I'll punch them. He wasn't himself, neither was I, and even so. Shouldn't have shot the bloke ( Read more... )

Let me the fuck out of here! I'm fucking well telling you, nobody fucking puts Paddy fucking Maguire in a fucking cell and gets away with it, I swear to fucking God, I'm gonna fucking kill whoever the fuck is responsi

[DECENDS INTO A MASSIVE, LONG PERIOD OF STATIC. He comes back and doesn't sound angry. Just sounds distant and terrified.]

Let ( Read more... )

New wardens, new inmates, whatever the fuck. Three bits of info here: I'm Patrick Maguire. Call me fucking Paddy ( Read more... )

So some people have fucking left, right, because otherwise some fuckers are not turning up for work and I'm gonna have to come kick their asses. Edmund turns up and I fucking sing at him every other day. Okay, every day ( Read more... )

Fuck fuck. Screw what that guy said earlier. This must be some fucking hallucination.

Fuck.

I swear to God, I don't know what the fuck happened, but if I've ODed or something and gone to fucking hallucination heaven and am about to hit the hell of dying horribly, I'd like some fucker in the real world to wake me the hell up and get me out of ( Read more... )

[Paddy’s back. He knows this is on, just pondering what to say. Whilst doing so, he’s humming a few seconds of Last Rose of Summer. He's just that Irish. He also has reasons.]

Right, right. Sorry, I was trying to figure out just how long I’ve been gone. [Pause] Still don’t know; how long have I been gone? Did I miss much, or just the usual rounda ( Read more... )

[Paddy trails in, sounding incredibly confused, and his voice is wavering a little more than it normally does. He's trying to pull off his regular angry-git voice, but it's a little weak and unsure. Also, if you listen carefully, you can hear the shaking of his hand as he speaks into it ( Read more... )